Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sweet Is the Melody

"Sweet is the melody,
so hard to come by
It's so hard to make every note bend just right
You lay down the hours and leave not one trace
but a tune for the dancing is there in its place."
-Sweet is the Melody by Aselin Debison 

Hey hey, it's time for the October Disability Blog Carnival!  Considering it's snowing where I live, it doesn't feel much like fall, but nevertheless it is and Halloween is just a few days away!  I'm your friendly neighborhood spaz, here to host this lovely carnival with the theme of sweet is the melody!  Get swept up by the music.....

Ettina over at Abnormaldiversity presents us with what I like to call a written music video to the Dixie Chick's Not Ready to Make Nice.  Her writing is incredibly clear and descriptive and I could visualize the entire video in my head.  I hope that someday someone makes that video for her.

Sharon at After Gadget writes a poignent post on how one song - Don't Leave Me This Way by the Communards - helped her cope with the death of her beloved service dog, partner, and friend, Gadget.  I've never heard the song (probably because I'm a young'un!) but I can definitely see how the lyrics can connect with someone who has lost somebody important in their lives.

And Elizabeth at Screw Bronze writes about writing a happy song, about disability and ability clashing and coexisting, about not fititng into society's boxes.  As someone who is also disabled and gifted, as someone who doesn't fit neatly into disability stereotypes,  I can relate a lot to this.

Jen at SuicidalNoMore tells a beautiful story, of how a simple CD Discman brightened someone's day.  Personally, I could not live without my Ipod and it helps me immensely when I'm going through an anxiety/depression episode and don't want to talk to anyone.  Music gives me something to hold onto.

And what about me?  I fully intended to write a post for this carnival, since music is something extremely important to me.   I play music almost constantly - if I'm on my computer, I will have Itunes or Pandora or Spotify open.  I fully intended to write a post, and then everything came crashing down.

Let's back up a little.  Last year was the most horrible year of my life.   I went away to college for the first time and became absolutely, postively terrified.  I would cry for hours on end and as soon as I'd stop, it would be like someone flipped a switch and I'd start all over again.  I went on like this for months until I finally got help and was put on anti-depressants.  The medication finally made me feel like myself again, and although I still struggle with my anxiety and depression, for the most part, I'm a functional human being again.

Last year, when I was going through all of that, I put together a playlist of "Strong Songs".  Songs that reminded me of who I was and who I wanted to be.  Songs that reminded me that I was a strong, beautiful person, no matter what society and my own brain told me.  Songs that brought back happy memories, memories of being with the people I care most about.  The playlist grew and grew, and now it's up to 110 songs.  It's not over yet, either.  When I find a song that I feel belongs on the playlist, I'll add it.  And when I'm having a bad day, when I'm crying and crying and crying, I put on my strong playlist to encourage me to be strong and get through it.

This past week was probably the worst anxiety/depression episode I've had since I was put on medication.  I couldn't stop crying and I didn't even know why I was crying.  I was curled up in a ball just wishing the feeling of intense sadness would go away.  It's the reason why this carnival is slightly late going up, although now that I'm looking at the call for submissions, I must've anticipated this, since I didn't set the carnival date til the 1st of November.  My friend Dani, who has mental health issues of her own, introduced me to this great song by Diana Degarmo called Emotional.  When I was going through my episode, I had this song on repeat and was singing through my tears.  So my choice of theme was very appropriate, because music helped me through my mental health issues last week.

Here's the link to my strong playlist on Spotify, not all the songs are on there, regrettably, because of Itunes/Spotify compatibility issues, but you get most of them.  Feel free to take this playlist and make it your own! 

Even if you didn't participate in the carnival this month, leave your favorite song in the comments.  What song helps you get through the ups and downs of disability?  What song or album do you have on repeat at the moment?   I know I'm not the only one who knows the truth of that old saying, music soothes the savage beast.

"Sometimes I feel like crying
Laying down and dying
That's when I need you
Laughing's always easy, but sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me
That's when I feel emotional."
-Emotional by Diana Degarmo


Feminist Voice with Disabilities said...

Thank you so much for including me in your blog carnival! I really appreciate you listing my post. I totally understand about the anxiety/depression things, and how music can help with that. I have Schizoaffective Disorder but as part of that, and for many years before that, I have had many bouts of severe depression. I also take antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, among other things. Like you, I have special playlists I use to motivate me. I have playlists for sleep, playlists for energy, playlists for sadness, etc....Playlists are great! Thanks so much for sharing your strong songs. I am going to check them out. I really like your blog, btw, and I have listed it on the blogroll at my blog.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Thanks for the blog and putting it together. Music gets me though the worst, and my list is 97 songs long, sadly, I kept it on youtube and several were erased. Bah!

Right now I'm listening to Christina Perry's Jar of Hearts.

Never That Easy said...

A great blog carnival - I'm going to head over to Spotify to listen to your "Strong" mix: I could use a lift right about now.